It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
