how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
