My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
