party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
