drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Semen is not good for contacts.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
