omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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