he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
