I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
