based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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