I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
