went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
