I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
