While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
