Who wears a wallet chain?!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
