At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
