i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
