thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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