It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
