just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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