im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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