my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize