It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
