drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
