As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
