How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
