Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
