It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
