Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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