i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
