Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
