i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
