remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
