i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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