either way he was missing a nipple.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
