just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
