Don't you send me to vm
4 words: hood of his car
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
