My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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