Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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