don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
