you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
