Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
