you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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