did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
