We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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