so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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