i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
