She's JV to your varsity
You smell like a Billy Joel song
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
