so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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