you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
