ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
