im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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