Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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