considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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