She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
