Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
