Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize