My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
this boner is exhausting
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
