well I can't set my house on fire every night
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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