So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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