Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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