Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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