Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
