I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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