Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
