If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
