i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
