I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
